The Wagstaff Weekly

Do we manufacture anything anymore? I was washing a few dishes and noticed that the sandwich box was made in China. I checked and the plate, bowl and cutlery were also made in China. The only thing that wasn't was the cup, which comes from Spain.

I hate reading instruction manuals! Why do gadgets and appliances have tons of extra things that you are never going to use? Take the tumble dryer we've just bought, why would you want to change the default degree of the remaining moisture of the laundry?

Does anyone Ask Jeeves anything anymore?

I love how one conversation in the office leads to another. Someone mentioned their monthly fuel bill was £23.72 (they are my new hero!) and everyone went ‘…..what?’ Mine is around £100. Anyway someone mentioned that they used to always heat their water using the immersion…..leaving it on…..for six years!! I must have misheard that.

It reminded me of the story of my friend who went to Ireland for the weekend with his flatmate only to discover that when he got home he’d left the cooker on.

How do big projects get built? The answer - by not having me as project manager! I need a radiator moving just a few inches to one side. It’s under the window in the spare room but to the left because previously there was a bed in the way and that’s the only place it could go. Hands up it’s a mainly an OCD thing - it needs to be central but before it can be moved I need an electrician to move a socket before the plumber can do his job and before the decorator can come in.

You know the type of advert, someone starts picking at a piece of loose wallpaper and by the end of the 30 second commercial the room is redecorated. Well…..I did that at just after six o’clock one night last week and there I was four hours later, swearing away because I was stupid enough to believe it would only take me a couple of hours to strip the room.

To be honest the first few sheets on the outside wall side just fell off and the ceiling took minutes. The rest took another seven hours the following day and that was with the wallpaper stripper that I hired. It would have been cheaper to get someone in rather than pay the hire charge and the cost of heating up the strippers’ tank all day.

I don’t understand why you need to be in the shower for twenty minutes but can you shower in three? My friend says she never showers for longer than it takes to listen to a song!

Do you brush your teeth in the shower? I know someone who does when he’s in a rush.

What is your best money saving tip? 

Here are three things that I always regret the following day. 1) Not filling up with fuel the night before, 2) having garlic and 3) staying up late to watch a film or TV show with a lousy ending.

If you order online and some of your shopping is delivered in plastic bags do you pay for those bags?

Is this right, if you put your underpants on inside out you have to leave them like that because it’s bad luck to change them over?

I saw ‘Urban – 6 degrees’ on the weather graphics on TV the other day and I thought to myself ‘Urban, isn’t that in Scotland?’ Turns out they were talking about the countryside!

I was in a restaurant when a woman came in and sat down at the next table. The waitress asked if she would like to order but the woman said not until her friend arrives. After a couple of minutes I began to smell smoke and saw that the woman's menu was alight because it was on top of a candle. I'm sorry but I couldn't help laughing and said to the woman 'at least it's a talking point'. It’s an understatement to say she was less than pleased. The waitress said at least one menu goes up each week.

I was in a clothes shop and absentmindedly mentioned I liked a particular shirt. I wondered off because my wife asked me how much something was - I figured out why. It was to get me out of the way so she could take a picture of the shirt on her phone. Guess what I'm getting for my birthday next month?

There’s a guy l know who has just retired and is training to be a horse whisperer now.

I’ve managed to avoid the X Factor so far this series.

How long does it take to buy a bird feeder? About a minute. How long does it take to buy bird seed? Now that's different story. I blame the manufactures – if they didn’t list all the birds, half of which I’ve never heard of (Blackcap, Siskins and Nuthatch), we wouldn’t spend so long in the shop agonising over which species we want to attract.

There’s nothing finer than spooning the chocolate off the top of a cappuccino.

How easily we are thrown out of our comfort zone when things break down? We were without hot water at home for a couple of days because the boiler packed up and it was like the end of the world.

Isn’t it a really strange when you are eating something you suspect might be off but carry on anyway because you are so hungry? Do you imagine we are the only creatures that do that? Probably and probably because we are the only ones who drink alcohol.

I called a company and asked if they could fix a door lock and have a look at a couple of window locks. I asked if they could do a weekend visit and they said ‘.....don’t do weekends!’ I also asked if they could do early evening and they wanted to know what I meant by that. Apparently they won’t come after 4 o’clock. Apparently they aren’t getting my custom.

One long pillow so your partner can share or your own pillow? Also, how may pillows? I know someone who sleeps on three!

Have you ever noticed an arrow next to your fuel gauge? Well apparently it's pointing towards the side of the car that your tank is on.

I love how people say ‘….you’re NOT cold surely’ as if they are telling you not to sit there shivering.

I read both the gas and electricity meters and sent the reading back via my tablet. Remember when some guy used to come round with his torch?

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