The Wagstaff Weekly

Dark around 5 o’clock now – yay! Not!!

How do waitresses do that thing of the plates up the arm?

I have seen a number of old photos posted recently with me on them but I have absolutely no recollection of ever being there, never mind the pictures being taken.

Remember Stereo Kicks? Are they still going?

Talk about indecision – We couldn’t decide what to set the storage heaters to at Rutland Radio. We’ve gone for 3.5 on a scale of 1 to 6…..that sound about right?

I am not really a cat person but felt sad to hear that next door’s cat has died. He was twenty but looked nowhere near that age. Dogs do but cats often look younger than their years. I’ll miss him but not what he used to do in my bark chippings!

We were talking about dot-to-dots in the office the other day – do children still do those?

I was stopped by a crossing patrol warden the other day, the first time since I can remember. I waited and the woman gave me a cheery wave. Are we still allowed to call them lollipop men/women? Apparently it’s a school crossing patrol officer.

My wife says we don’t communicate as much as we used to. I told her that’s because her mobile is faulty. I think I may have missed the point there by a country mile.

I love how they keep saying ‘this is the toughest Apprentice yet!’ No it’s not. It is no different to any of the others but I figure they must think that if they tell often us enough, we’ll believe them.

Don’t be tempted to fill in an online survey to win a prize if my experience is anything to go by. It is twenty minutes of your life that you won’t get back! How many sections and questions? And it seems every shop and store you go in asks ‘how did we do today?’

Of course then there is the dilemma at the end of the survey. Do you tick the ‘can we contact you?’ box? If you don’t, you think to yourself, will they enter me in to the draw?

The other questions you get consistently asked are ‘how are you today?/how is your day going?/did you get everything you are looking for? I wouldn’t mind but you just know they are told to ask every customer, so you cannot blame the assistants. I get in first and ask how they are!

Parents, how many boxes of cereals do you have on the shelf? I’m guessing two or three nearly full boxes despite the fact that your youngsters were desperate for them.

Do you play the ‘will the bin men (refuse collectors) be able to move the bin, take it if the top is sticking open or you’ve propped up a big cardboard box that was too big to fit inside, at the side of the bin’ game?

Do you have ghost calls? I do! I am convinced my leg feels a vibration when the phone is in my trouser pocket and it’s not even ringing or receiving a message. Mind you I’ve begun to feel it of an occasion when my phone isn’t even in there. What is that all about?

I have heard one or two people saying they are not doing the Lotto now that they have added the extra balls. It would be interesting to see how many people have stopped and if Camelot can sustain the prize fund.

My friend got a picture from her builder of him holding up a new brick against the wall of her house to see if she was happy with the match. She asked around the office and one woman said she wasn’t sure but all the men simply said ‘yeah fine’. Apparently her husband said it was fine too and if they wanted a better match (the builder said it was the best he could do) they would have to sort it themselves, which my friend said meant - she would have to sort it! 

That said, you do see houses with extensions where the bricks are totally mismatched and you think, did they not notice that before the thing was built?

Where do you stand on charity bag packing now that you have to pay for the plastic bags and is that a source of funding that may have gone for local clubs and charities?

I have been doing my own survey. The woman in the department store said it’s about a 50/50 split with those excepting it and those still moaning about it. Apparently sales are up of those handy material bags that come in a little pouch. 

I heard this quote the other day: Dissatisfaction – the modern day disease.

Apparently tickets to see Rod Stewart next year start at around £70 and as much as I am a big fan, I wasn’t really sure this time. Anyway my wife called on the off-chance (of what I’m not sure) after I said ‘you will have weeks to get hold of some’ and the tickets had sold out in less than two hours!

Which veteran singer would you pay to see and who still has a cracking voice? Van Morrison can still belt out a tune but Sir Tom has the best voice by a mile don’t you think?

We have started collecting those store-Christmas catalogues – I’ve no idea why.

I always run upstairs at home in a vain attempt to keep fit. Recently I have noticed how much slower I am now, and how much longer it takes to reach the top. When I say much longer, we are talking seconds here and not minutes incidentally.

I have said this before, we do not always check the forecast before putting the washing out but we do look out of the window to see if the neighbours have put their washing out.

Apparently if I had anything about me, I would have hung out the washing when I got up the other morning. I didn’t even notice the basket I had to step over in the hall. 

Let’s spare a thought for all those shop workers who will have to endure (in some cases have already started) listening to Christmas music for the next six or seven weeks.

You know when you are in a classy place when the magazines have alarm strips on them.

Have you ever tried changing the voice on your sat nav? I know someone who had a go at it and arrived forty minutes late for a meeting! Apparently it took them in what was essentially a large circle, finishing up where they started with the words from the unit that said “…..that completes the demo of this system. You are now ready to use it” 

Do joke shops still exist?

Dull as ditch water or dish water?

Do you say jumper or pullover? 

I had some kale crisps at the weekend and I know what you are thinking but they were quite nice.

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