The Wagstaff Weekly

A woman dressed as one of Santa's elves walked in to the petrol station and no one battered an eyelid. That's what it's come to! In fact I was served by a woman wearing a pair of antlers.

Mary in Corrie had a bag of sweets or 'a quarter of.....' as we used to say years ago. £2.50! Is that how much they are these days?

We planned to go to Birmingham to do some Christmas shopping and I mentioned this in the office and everyone asked how come I was going that far? It's Birmingham not Berlin!

Have you ever had those moments when you cannot perform the simplest of tasks? With a queue forming, my wife whispered to me to say she couldn't get the coin out of the trolley.

That's a laugh when you are doing the washing up and you've left a teabag in a cup.

What time were you allowed to open your Christmas presents? Is 6 o’clock too early? We used to keep sending our son back to bed for another half hour.

Now I am not going to name names but someone mentioned they quite fancied Anglesey next year and someone else replied '…..yes I fancy Scotland too!'

What is the hardest present to wrap? I struggle with bottles.

I heard someone say that when they are choosing a dish from the menu, they try to imagine how it would look on Instagram and Snapchat!!

Could you sit in a pub or café and either not take your phone or if you do, not keep checking it?

How much stuff do you think you are going to record on the TV digibox because it looks really good but in fact you delete it because you run out of space midway through January? We usually have something we hold on to with every intention of watching but get rid of by June.

Does a shopping centre gift voucher simply say ‘…..I really couldn’t be bothered this year?’ Let’s be honest, you can drop the word “gift”, it’s simply a voucher. Obviously I’ve bought one.

My mobile rang and came up with the message ‘no caller ID’, so I was extremely tempted to answer it with ‘this had better be good because I am not in a very good mood this morning!!’ I didn’t of course and it turned out to be the very pleasant and efficient receptionist at the garage…..phew! 

That would have been totally out of character for me but, and this is no excuse, I have had a couple of timewasting calls recently. Still it’s just someone trying to earn a living.

Should I be watching Gogglebox?

The shortest day has come and gone and I always think the dark mornings really drag now all the way in to the middle of February.

Mild? My lilac tree has buds coming on it!

The new house mantra is 'doors and lights, doors and lights' and it's driving my wife and my son mad. Close the doors to stop condensation and switch off the lights to save money.

I'm just refining my New Year's resolutions. They are: Buy a new toothbrush more often - achievable. Watch more films - achievable but not probable. Chew my food for longer and take my time - unachievable. Go to bed earlier - unachievable. Exercise more - probable. Stop moving from table to table in a cafe to find the best spot - nailed on never to happen.

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