The Wagstaff Weekly

I think it is a real shame about the Independent stopping its print run next month. It is a shame for the paper itself but also the industry, as this will probably be the first of who knows how many? Am I a Luddite that I prefer print to screen for books and newspapers?

We must get a couple of phone messages at home every day from companies desperate to give us money. I caught the end of one yesterday which said '.....or the bank can keep your compensation.'

I have been waiting for a delivery for ages (I’d actually forgotten about it) and my son asked if I had seen the reviews? I may have failed to notice them - they were probably the worst reviews I’ve ever (eventually) read online. Things like…..product doesn’t work, it failed after a couple of days, complete waste of money etc.

I am actually glad the new carrier bag law came in. You would spend an age cramming loads of plastic bags with your weekly shop but now I get everything in three big bags for life.

What is the last thing you want to see in your bathroom? This from my friend in Australia, a country that does everything bigger and better than anywhere else. Every country has spiders but Oz has the deadliest ones on the planet and the deadliest snakes and jellyfish too.

Anyway, I was explaining that I was about to get some mould off the bathroom wall when my friend asked if it was pink. She had a pink patch in her bathroom that was a little bigger the next day and was a fully grown toadstool on the third!    

Why do I write ‘any probs?’ when the word ‘problems’ is only a few letters longer. It is the same with people who say ‘moby’ rather than mobile.

I started a conversation with my friend saying my son has got a flat and he interrupted me with ‘…..he’s moving out?’ I said ‘no…..here’s got a flat tyre.'

Would you pay £7 for next day delivery? Me neither.

Is it me or are Deliveroo drivers and bikers everywhere now?

I watched Happy Valley the other day and no one smiled – is that the irony?

Washing up liquid - in the cupboard or on the side? They was a scene in Corrie the other night with Kevin and Jenny and in-shot, the biggest bottle of green liquid you have ever seen. 

Do you ever have that feeling that something is wrong when it isn't? I felt sick to my stomach throughout most of Saturday and was really on edge. How come that happens?

I had a double take moment last night. We have been making pasta bake for years using low fat ingredients, but as ever, all I saw were greens and ambers on the traffic light system, but had never read the small print. In one case the rating was for a third of a helping and in another, it was for just a fifth. Taken as a whole, we have been eating loads of fats for years!

How many rounds do they play on the Saturday night Lotto Wish List? Whenever I think it's the final one, there's another round.

Oh Cath KIDSTON. I thought it was Cath Kitson!

Question from my friend: Have you ever known anyone as old as Emily in Corrie go further than Malaga?

My son says everyone at his gym is moaning about the ‘January crowd’, those with good intentions who joined in the New Year. Apparently you can’t get in the car park.

What can you not do without? For me it’s me glasses. I left them in the car and spent the whole day using my wife’s. She spent the whole day saying ‘…..don’t stretch them!’

What a great feeling when you have taken an age to choose something from the menu, it arrives and you a) instantly regret your choice and/or b) wish you had chosen what someone else had. I appreciate it is all relative with half the world short of food.

I had a nightmare the other night where I screamed in my sleep. So much so that my wife almost jumped out of bed and my son heard me in the next room. In the dream I was talking to my wife when there was a knock at the door, I answered it and it was my wife standing there…..so I saw two of her! It wasn’t until a few days later that it gradually dawned on me that as my wife is an identical twin, it could have conceivably been her sister at the door.

My wife and I play 'good runner/bad runner'. We rate joggers as we pass them in the car. Some look like real athletes, others look as if they have just run, well err..... a marathon.

I’m really not sure I fancy the thought of driverless cars. Mind you, can you imagine people in a hundred years from now saying '.....and when cars were first invented, you had to drive them yourself!'

I did a great job of diagnosing the fault with my car. I told the service centre that the exhaust was blowing - it turned out to be a wheel bearing.

It’s a proven fact that you cannot get a key off a key ring if you are in a hurry.

Can you touch your toes?

Do they sell Euro lotto tickets on the continent? The winners always seem to come from the UK.

I was the only person in the meeting without a phone. I think unless you are waiting for an urgent call or text, phones should be banded in meetings.

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