The Weekly Wagstaff

How many times do you say, 'why didn't I do that years ago?’ For example we have been putting the Christmas decorations in old cardboard boxes, covering them in thick plastic rubbish sacks then taping them up. This year I have bought a couple of big plastic boxes with lids.

When was the last time you stuck your hand out for a bus?

I read somewhere that worry is a total waste of time - it doesn't change anything. All it does is steal your joy and keeps you very busy doing nothing. I have also heard worry described as the interest you pay on something that may never happen.

NO I DON’T WANT ANOTHER SAUSAGE ROLL!!

So I lost all my files again…..except I didn’t. I will admit I panicked and contemplated taking my laptop to a local repair shop and getting charged £40 for the privilege of being told the main file was on the desktop! I have no idea how it ended up there but how embarrassing would it have been if I hadn’t noticed just in time?

Would you/do you allow your dog/cat on the bed?

How bored was I the other night? I flicked through the cable channels to remind myself why I'm paying so much for all this rubbish. I got to channel 354 before giving up. When you get to ITV 3 + 1 you know it's bad. Things I observed: Every channel seemed to be in a commercial break, there were three of everything - normal, HD and + 1. 80% of the TV stations I've never heard of (DMAX, Quest, Eden, H2, Craft & I.D. etc.) and Brian Blessed appeared to be voicing every ad…..OK not really.

Still it wasn't a total waste of time; there was back-to-back Ice Road Truckers!

You know that split second when someone says WHAT? It’s when you realise you may have just said something stupid. We were watching 4OD and I said 'oh 4 Overdose'. My son was incredulous, pointing out of course its 4 One Demand.

Speaking of television - that's it, I'm not getting a new TV because a) the one we have is fine and b) the one we have is fine AND small. If anyone says to me it's too small again, l will…..well just ignore them. Its 26" and plenty big enough and if I want anything bigger, I'll go to Showcase or the Odeon! Btw - why are TV's still measured in inches?

We have tons of chocolate left over from Christmas. Can you get chocolate poisoning? We are doing that thing of trying to eat everything we over-bought in the fridge and cupboards before they run out of date.

Did you know there's no junction 3 on the M1?

My son's girlfriend is back from university and we have hardly seen them both. They have dropped in a couple of times and I swear it was only to put their phones on charge. In fact my son only ever contacts me to let me know he's put the money he owes me in my bank account. He always transfers it. He never has cash.

If you have a car with an automatic boot, please be careful. I walked by a Mercedes in a car park and the boot lid almost took my head off. Do you suppose some people must do that on purpose - just as someone walks by, press the key?

I have never seen Downton but recorded the last one at Christmas. I cannot see myself watching it though as we usually delete most things we record over the festive season.

My wife called up and said ‘I will call you back in a minute’. When she did, I asked her why she hadn’t simply called sixty seconds later.

I bought some new shoes for work. I say work, I will wear them everywhere. Who needs two pairs? I don’t particularly like them but couldn’t be bothered to shop around. They are black and they fit.

Why am I incapable of retaining receipts? We have a few things to return and I know for a fact I have lost one, maybe two of the receipts.

How many eggs per person, per scrabbled egg? One, two or three?

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