The Weekly Wagstaff

I loved the man in the garage who tried to sell me a knocked down price packet of tea with a monkey toy. Half way through the transaction I asked if I could add my reward points and he sighed and said, without a hint of sarcasm ‘…..I’ll cancel it all then shall I?’ On the way out he shouted ‘you sure you don’t want a monkey?’

So I like all the notes in my wallet to be the right way up and facing the front with 20’s behind the 10’s. I admit it’s not overly clever to sort it out as you walk away from cashpoint.

If it sounds like my wallet is always full, that’s not the case, just occasionally when I need cash.

I truly believe I have an inbuilt thermostat. Everyone around me is freezing at the moment but I’m feeling warm. In the summer when people are wilting, I’m usually fine.

It only dawned on me recently that I usually call my wife each day and check what’s for dinner. I must point out that I am not asking what she’s cooking but what we agreed on the night of the big shop. Tonight it’s fish and chips! Yesterday I made a mean biryani, if I say so myself.

Who put ‘delete slide’ next to ‘duplicate slide’ on a PowerPoint presentation? The same person who put ‘delete’ next to ‘rename’ when you right click a document.

My friend said his son came home and it took them a good 10 minutes to look at the class photo because he insisted on saying the name of every child (fully name at that) on the picture.

What’s the protocol when it comes to making the drinks at work? If someone comes in when you have just made them, do you need to put the kettle on again?

Have you ever been embarrassed in a petrol station, perhaps something involving being shouted at by the assistant over the PA? I bet if you watched for an hour or two, you would see some great activity, like parking on the wrong side of your tank, a tad too far away from the pump that the hose doesn’t quite stretch and you have to move the car. Who hasn’t done that?

We had a tense situation the other night. It was one of those ‘hurry before he gets back’ moments. My wife was almost hyperventilating watching The Night Manager. It’s pretty good but I can’t take Hugh Laurie seriously as a baddie.

How can a railway engine (see I didn’t say train because that includes the carriages) pull 33 wagons?

I emailed someone yesterday to introduce myself but apparently we have already met.

In an idle moment in the supermarket the other night, I stood there comparing two products, one of which was the lighter version. There was hardly any difference. The healthy option had less salt, sugar and saturated fats but not so you would notice. I also picked up a light option sandwich and it was less healthy than one of the regular packs.

I still love getting stuff out of a vending machine. It’s so childish but why would you buy a chocolate bar over the counter when you can watch it drop through a machine?

Are you still eating Christmas food? We are. We had some Christmas pudding the other night and we have another one in the cupboard, but it’s about to go out of date - how long afterwards will it still be safe to eat, if at all? 

I remember I put something on the side somewhere and told myself not to forget it. I now cannot remember what it was, where it was that I left that “something”.

I had to smile at the man wandering around the supermarket car park pressing the door lock button on his key as he walked past the row of cars. He looked like a Meerkat! Do you suppose it’s a male thing or across the board when it comes to remembering where we parked?

Here's something I have no desire to repeat.....ever! Digging up a tree stump.

Do you suppose that when they built windmills back in the day, people complained how unsightly they were, in the same way we do today with wind turbines?

There is nothing more frustrating than being stuck in a traffic jam and watching the lights change to green over and over again.

If I ever bump into you and ask how the family are, that’s because I’ve forgotten how many children you have, and if they are boys and/or girls.

It’s the law, if you make a pack-up during the week, you can skip it on a Friday and buy your lunch. Is it pack-up or pack-out? 

Where are we with mobile phones to your ear? I ask because I’ve had two conversations recently where I was on the phone for about forty minutes.

Do you pick your moments to tell your partner something? I ask because someone I know usually waits until a car journey to tell their husband something.

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