The Wagstaff Weekly

I have asked this before - what do joggers have in those backpacks they run round with and how many runners have them on nowadays?

I love these foggy mornings, especially at the weekend. No idea why but I always loved a foggy Saturday as a child. Perhaps it was something to do with going out and playing football.

I am so stupid! I was standing in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil when I suddenly thought it was taking a long time. It had boiled - the noise I could still hear was the microwave!

Here is an office email: Sorry to rant but I have yet again spent the last 20 minutes trying to unblock the shredder and get it working again. Can I remind you all: The shredder officially takes 8 sheets of copier paper but realistically don’t feed more than 6 sheets at a time. Fair rant I think. I am betting it’s the guys who jam it because we cannot resist trying to stick as many sheets through at one time as we can.

A man in an Audi on the A1 in the outside lane yesterday was texting away!!

I saw The Martian the other evening and my wife said it was a bit farfetched. Really?

We have started making our own chips and boy do they taste so much better than those you buy? Steam for seven minutes, add a little salt and then bake them in the oven.

I got in the other night and not only did I open the mail there and then, rather than putting it in the spare room and dealing with it in a couple of weeks, I made a call to the phone company and sorted out my bill. Normally I put it off as long as I can. Now I just have to sort out my energy bill which has been hanging around for ages.

Someone mentioned the song Vienna and someone else (they will remain nameless) said ‘oh yeah….. Ultra Violet’

I saw a van with a strip hanging down from the back. Remember when it was all the rage and the reason for it? People said it was to stop you being car sick.

I saw a gap in the traffic and nipped in to the left hand lane only to discover the reason there was a gap was because a van had broken down at the lights. I had to do that embarrassing thing of getting back in again in front of the car I was in front of before I switched lanes.

I spent Sunday putting together a flat-pack bookcase and I couldn’t help thinking about the day in the future when I will end up dismantling it and taking it up the tip.

Why do I have to get rid of the dead bird on the patio? Why is it my job to shovel it up? Talking of birds, and I appreciate this is really tenuous, have you seen how big an albatross is? Why would you? I saw one in a museum recently, they are beyond huge!

What a momentous occasion this week - I paid my final phone bill for my son. Since his mobile was stolen a few weeks ago, he has started paying for his own SIM. It was £12.90 per month, yet last month it was £29 and £22 the month before that. I estimate over the years I must have spent £500 plus on usage overspend.

Remember taking you cycling proficiency test? We were having a conversation about it one day last week and wondering if it still exists. It’s now called Bikeability and is, and I quote, ‘today’s cycle training programme’.

I bought my wife a window bird feeder last Christmas. We do this thing where we buy a small present for under a fiver for everyone around the table on Christmas Day. Anyway I got round to assembling it yesterday and the instructions said I my need the help of an adult

I bumped in to someone I haven’t seen for an age and consequently it is the first time they have seen me with a beard. They asked if I was auditioning for Downton. Charming!

Who is your favourite judge on TV? We had a good debate in the office with this one.

I hate plunging my hand into a bowl of cold dirty washing up water to retrieve a teaspoon!

Years ago someone told my friend to put a thin film of glycerine on the inside of his windscreen and it wouldn’t freeze over in the winter. It didn’t but he was never able to get the gel off the glass. I am now questioning myself if I mean glycerine or was it another substance?

It really does feel like the middle of the night now when you are sitting in the office at 5 o’clock. 

Ever done that thing of washing the dishes then looking at both the tea towel and the hand towel and thinking you've dried them with the later, and washing them again because you aren't sure? No? Just me then!

I was expecting my sister-in-law, so when there was a knock at the door, I opened it and wandered off looking at my phone. After a few moments I heard a man clearing his throat only to find the window cleaner standing there, waiting for his money. How rude did I look?

The squirrels are back and have had the top off the birdfeeder again. This is war – I can’t be beaten by some furry tailed rodents. I have just attached a chain to the feeder - let’s see them try it now!

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