The Wagstaff Weekly

Do people still throw bread out for the birds? I had an old slice left in the bread bin and threw it away. How poor is that? My mum would have scattered it in the garden, bacon rind as well if I remember.

I woke up in a panic the other night thinking that perhaps the world doesn't have enough coffee shops, nail bars and car washes in the car parks of closed down pubs.

I've never eaten an oyster.

I am not sure if this is an urban myth but I’ve heard that in London people are getting on public transport with card readers, typing in £29.99 and walking by people in the hope they have a contactless card in their pocket, therefore stealing money. My son told me so I suspect it’s a myth.

Why when I ask some people if they would like a cup of tea do they say, usually very slowly out loud to themselves ‘…..would I like a cup of tea?’

Is it only me that finds Face Swap a little disturbing?

Men cannot dust! They go round objects without moving them. Harsh but true?

We had a walk on Mam Tor in Derbyshire at the weekend and watched the paragliders, which are essentially sleeping bags slung under a thin piece of canvas.

The later in the day it gets, the scuzzier (great word!) the newspapers are in pubs and coffee shops, and the less inclined I am to read them.

The older I get, the more I live my life on auto pilot. Is it an age thing or is life speeding up? The other day I found myself looking out of the window at the garden and thinking, I cannot remember the last time I stood here and just gazed out.

I saw a man with a big dog on the end of a long lead at the side of a busy road and it looked like a recipe for disaster. The dog owner was on his phone and looking the other way. I always panic when I see parents pushing a buggy with children running a little distance ahead and mum or dad are oblivious because they are deep in conversation on their mobile.

We had one of those Sunday’s that I love but rarely have these days. It was so relaxing. We had a long walk in the morning then a coffee and the papers in the afternoon. The walk was a killer we were caked up, squelching through the fields with clods of mud on our boots. It felt like we had walked double the distance.

I really like the staff in my bank. There was no one in at the time on Saturday morning and I asked where the queue was and they told me, I was it! We chatted and one of the two assistants said, without a hint of sarcasm, ‘…..and now you are here Mr Wagstaff, our day is complete’. I appreciate that sounds really sarcastic but it wasn’t at all.

I’m beginning to think my sister-in-law is a hoarder. She eventually threw out a stack of papers the other day and the headline on one of them was ‘Britain to host the 2012 Olympics.’ OK I made that up but you get my point.

We got nearly £4 off our next shop! If my wife asks, I spent it and didn't throw it away by mistake with the receipt.

I forgot my PIN half way through at the hole in the wall the other day. No matter how hard I tried to remember it, I simply couldn't. I do often wonder if I was in charge of anything important like a pilot or a surgeon, there would be disastrous consequences.

I wish I was better at maths.

How come I always get the trainee at in the Post Office at lunchtimes?

Liquorice allsorts – love the pink and blue squishy ones with the little bits.

Don’t you hate it when you are watching an event like the Brits and following it on Twitter, and someone tweets about something else? It’s like ‘What? Get with it’.

Do you do that thing of grabbing a product catalogue on the way out of the supermarket? We do but I don’t know why, we never look at it. My wife also gets one for her sister but always forgets to pass it on. We have loads piled up at home.

Don’t you love it when people say ‘Yeah I got your text but I couldn’t be bothered to reply to it?’ I asked my friend how come he didn’t get back to me and he said, ‘the phone was downstairs!’

Why am I the only person in the house who can fill the kettle up with just the right amount of water for the number of drinks they are making? I have a knack of getting it almost spot on every time, rather than boiling the kettle with enough water left over for two or three more cups.

And why am I the only one who tries to save energy and put rubbish in the correct bins? As you can imagine, I am a barrel of laughs to live with.

Be fair, my wife only asked me to check if the clothes in the tumble dryer were still wet, she didn’t tell me to switch the dryer back on if there weren’t!

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