The Weekly Wagstaff

I am socially awkward. I introduced myself loudly to a new member of staff who was on the phone and I hadn’t realised.

There is talk of the office decorations going up any time now.

I have said this before, I am organising washing-up lessons! Neither my wife nor my son are capable of washing cereal bowls, cups or glasses and leave them on the side for me for to do. Actually that’s not strictly true…’s just that I can’t leave a dish or a plate for a second after we’ve eaten before washing up.

I am stilling pinning my hopes on winning the Lotto by buying a ticket from somewhere I won’t normally, like a different town for example. Last weekend Leicester…..although I forgot to actually buy one.

I love the smell of coal tar soap.

Whenever you start a sentence with ‘Is it ever OK to……?’ The answer is usually no.

Don’t you love it when the call centre operator says ‘…..I’ll just ask my supervisor?’

My card was rejected at the till the other day and I said to the assistant (more to myself really if I’m honest) ‘know why it’s been rejected?’ meaning I know, I’ve put my cashpoint card in by mistake. Anyway she said ‘…..I am not supposed to enquire why the card hasn’t been accepted’.

Drivers are still using their mobiles when they drive and I am totally amazed by the amount of people who do it. There is probably more than ever now.

Do you ever have a bread roll with your dinner at home? We never do but the first thing we ask for in a restaurant is a basket of bread rolls.

Men can keep secrets better than women – Discuss!

There was a cyclist at the lights the other day waiting for them to turn green. I thought there’s something you don’t often see, some usually ride through on red. What else don’t you see very often? How about motorcyclists waiting in a line of traffic rather than weaving in and out?

I am the only one in our house who can never make the new bottle of liquid soap work.  I just cannot get the spout to click in to position. And do you put a drop of water in the bottle when the soap has almost run out?

Memo to self – Don’t eat rolls with poppy seeds on them before a meeting.

Soon be the smell of Olbas Oil everywhere.

Do you still need to put a plastic bag on the rear wiper when you take your car through the car wash?

Why do some people spend so long at the cashpoint and why are they always in front of me?

I still love those Police Camera Action type programmes on TV. Don’t you find it incredible at the end when they say things like…….”And the man who drove his car the wrong way down the motorway for 5 miles and crashed into a bridge was fined £50 and banned from driving for a month!”

Someone in the office said ‘it’s like a mobile number’. It’s LIKE a mobile phone number or it IS a mobile number? My wife says it all the time – ‘It’s LIKE a holiday’. Well it’s either a holiday or it’s not.

I heard about someone that only uses bags from the particular supermarket they are shopping in rather than say use a Tesco bag in Sainsbury’s.

I had a banana in the office the other day just before I went home and someone said ‘… will spoil your tea’. I haven’t heard that in ages. Did you have to sit at the table until your dinner went down? You couldn’t go and play outside for an hour and don’t even think about going swimming.

What charity/cause did you collect for at school?

Apparently women take four times longer to choose in a restaurant then men.

Would you buy a car with an awful colour if you could get it cheaper?

How come on the days I’m running really late the bin men are on the street?

Where do you stand on Christmas jumpers? The shops are full of them. Speaking of which, I saw my first decorated house yesterday. Why do people stick lights up so soon? It’s like opening your birthday cards seven weeks early or the football season kicking off in June!

Is it me or do all those hygiene signs you see in food shops, restaurants and cafés, show 5 – top marks? I’m guessing you wouldn’t put one in the window if it was anything less.

The bedroom window open or closed at night?

FaceTime…..not sure I need to see someone when I speak to them.

How long did it take me to get into work the other morning? I was here in plenty of time but it took me an age to get out of the car park. All I will say is handbrake and door lock checking.

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