The Weekly Wagstaff

My son said he was tired the other morning because he has been woken up unnaturally for the past few weeks. He doesn’t really do alarm clocks. Actually neither does his girlfriend - she switches them off in her sleep because she sleepwalks and has to set three alarms each night, although she switched all three off on occasions!

Can you still buy regular shirts or are they all slim-fit at the moment? I didn’t know how they looked, so I tried a ‘try-on shirt’ in the fitting room. I hated the experience knowing that others had tried it on too.

Have you ever put anything in the wrong trolley in the supermarket? Who hasn’t? How about this, the woman who not only walked off with the wrong trolley, she paid for the stuff in it and it was only when she got home she realised her mistake!

We had the Christmas jumper discussion at the weekend. Everyone but me wants to wear one at the table on the big day.

Here’s this week’s wince – my son’s girlfriend’s sister swung her round by her arms when she was little and her arms came out of her sockets!! Do you suppose that’s a family urban myth? Does your family have any? My wife is convinced someone down the line in hers was the captain of the Titanic! How many times have you heard that one? 

Remember when assistants in shoe shops helped you? They would loosen the laces on one shoe for you and while you are putting it on, be loosening the laces on the other shoe. Not the assistant I had on Saturday, they just stood there! Now I appreciate it was only a shoe section in a store but still.

I left my card in the PIN machine in the supermarket again!!

What’s the best job on the council at the moment? The leaf blower! I would love to have a go with one of those machines.

My friend posted a nice Facebook thread. He recorded the contestants on the Chase saying their name and how old they are. He then played the recording back and paused it before each one spoke and tried to guess their age. It amused me anyway.

I’m buying a dehumidifier – very exciting! Do you need to buy an expensive one?

Have you checked out any nostalgia websites? There’s a thread about my old estate with the names of all the children I grew up with.

What’s the longest you have left it before washing your work mug?

Following on for all the news of food waste recently, our weekend survey was - be honest do you really make a conscious effort to save wasting the food you buy? I have said this before, here’s a way to stop you throwing away so much. Come home from the big-shop each week and drop a tenner in the rubbish bin… may as well!

I did my PB doing the big shop last night – 37 minutes! I would like to thank my support team, especially my wife who texted me the shopping list.

How about this for an admission, Joseph Begley here at Rutland Radio said he watched the new TV show London Spy, and it was so good, he never looked at his phone once!

It’s those two words that strike fear in the office…..secret Santa

Do you know anyone who actually changes to winter tyres?

Isn’t it great when you throw something away and you can say you got your wear out of it?

It is only OK to grab a seat before you are served if it's you and no one else. I see people doing it and think ‘… can't do that’, yet I do it all the time.

Do I want to ‘open Outlook in safe mode?’ Why wouldn’t I?

Why is the big shop such a hassle? I’m fine on my own (in fact I prefer it) but when we both go, it takes twice as long and invariably we fall out.

Here is something I just don’t get, people shopping early evening with their children dressed in pyjamas. They are running around in their pj’s and dressing gowns, some playing on the floor, then an hour later they’ll be in bed in the same outfit.

The good news is the squirrels don’t raid my bird feeder anymore! The bad news is the birds have stopped using now too.

So I walk up to the automatic doors outside the supermarket on Saturday morning and for whatever reason (perhaps the angle I approached them) they didn’t open. I almost smashed my nose on the glass! I panicked, stepped back, tried again and walked into the store where everyone at the checkouts was sniggering away.

Why are plasters so difficult to open when you are bleeding all over the draining board?

Ever had one of those ‘wanting the ground to swallow you up’ moments? In a scene you would see on TV or in a film, my friend once slagged-off someone in the toilets, only for them to open the door of the cubicle and confront him

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