The Weekly Wagstaff

Its good news that we have an agreement from the climate summit.....I only hope it’s not all a lot of hot air! See what I did there? I am amazed that they all agreed when there were so many people involved. We fall out over the bill at the end of the night when there’s just five of.

Are you sending Christmas cards this year or giving money to charity, or are you just simply not sending any cards and not giving money to charity? Apparently we send on average sixteen cards each. Do you do that thing of sending Christmas cards and writing news about you and the family?

My wife and I had a good laugh when we reminded ourselves that we had pledged to get all our Christmas shopping done by the end of October this year.

Is it my imagination but do we now have more plastic bags than ever? I keep forgetting to take some with me when I do the big shop and I end up buying those stronger 10p bags or one of the better quality 50p numbers.

Do you put the fan and heater on full as soon as you get in the car or wait for it to warm up as you drive along then put them on?

I got a great call on Friday. A woman called my mobile to see how the claim was going with the damage to my car. I told her I didn't have any damage and she replied that I obviously hadn't realised I had been hit. Really? When I asked her what model my car was she put the phone down on me!

School plays, I love the little chairs you sit on. Were you in a play and if so what part, and do you remember your lines? I was one of the three wise men. Talk about being totally miscast.

Why do children always tell you the day before that you need to make them a costume? Don’t you love them?  They moan about having to do a one page essay for school but then write a ten page list for Santa.

Don’t you hate people that say ‘I did all my Christmas shopping in October?’

Advent calendar chocolate is too small and tastes like cardboard – discuss!

My son is still without a phone and is using his tablet as a camera. He says it is like taking pictures with a baking tray.

I have been going through a load of old photos and freaked my son out with a picture of his mum and dad at the same age as him and his girlfriend.

I am so pleased I didn’t throw any pictures away as I had planned to, because it brought back so many memories – I look at myself and my wife and think we were completely different people back then…..and thinner.

Christmas lights, three thoughts – How do they come out of the box tangled up, even though you put them away neatly twelve months ago? What is this thing with blue lights this year? It’s hardly very Christmassy, and why do the flashing lights have so many settings? We have to press the button on the ones outside six times to get them how we like them.

Seriously, six settings! Lights on as normal, slow flash, fast flash etc. and the most pointless of all, slow fade to brightness then slow fade to off.

Apparently a twenty-minute walk three or four times a week is extremely beneficial. Is it really though or is it just propaganda put out by lazy people? I hope it isn’t because that is what I aim for and it’s the only exercise I get. 

Try counting to six when the time pips are on and I bet you cannot say the word six without elongating it because the final tone makes you do that.

I like to keep scrolling the numbers when I set the alarm on my iPhone because it sounds like a Geiger counter.

Apparently you can get Christmas toilet paper!!

Let's take a few moments and remember those who, at this time of the year, find it a real struggle.....those who hate Christmas!

Don't you love it when the lights have just changed, that split second that even a well calibrated machine can hardly detect, and someone is blasting their horn because you haven't moved off?

‘Install tonight?’ Is this message new? You usually get the ‘install later?’ option on your iOS update but nothing as specific as “tonight”. Do you suppose it asks if you would like to install in the morning if the message pops up in the evening? 

I opened up my umbrella only to find bits of food in it. I suddenly remembered that I had a tray of sweet and sour chicken at Uppingham late night Christmas shopping and the polystyrene cracked, and I spilt the contents on the floor…..and obviously in my umbrella, which was also on the floor.

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