The Weekly Wagstaff

Apparently cracking your knuckles does cause arthritis. Does it or doesn’t it? Next week it won’t.

I get emails notifying me when there is a cheaper energy tariff available. Usually though, they are from companies I’ve never heard of.

My wife saved a stranger £50! She went to the cash machine and saw a card and notes sticking out, and a man a little way down the road putting his wallet away. She caught up with him, asked how much he had taken out of the hole in the wall, and he verified it was five £10 notes. He said that his wife would have killed him….it was her card.

I have done that before, left money in the cash point but I don’t think I have put my wallet away minus the cash and card.

When did a party political broadcast become a party election broadcast?

I don’t envy cyclists on busy roads but some don’t do themselves any favours by going through red lights.

I love that line in football, ‘the manager’s lost the dressing room.’ He must go in there every day, how can he forget where it is? 

I rarely buy anything online but I do get excited when a parcel arrives.

I was in the supermarket when I bumped into my friend who immediately surveyed the contents of my trolley and announced that I had too much dairy product. He was probably right and now I think I should try and give it up. He suggested putting the semi-skimmed milk back and trying almond milk instead. I picked up a carton but put it down when he had gone. I just didn’t fancy it.

My friend was telling me her friend loves ironing! Who loves ironing, apart from my friend’s friend? That said I actually do like doing a big pile of dishes.

I had to cancel the service on my car and nothing the person at the call centre said convinced me that they were going to pass the message on to the garage.....I may be wrong.

What do you think about when you think of BHS? For some reason the lighting department and having lunch there with my mum when I was a young lad.

I love discovering new short cuts.

Why are announcements on trains so long and why do they keep apologising for any delays?

Imagine your team has just lost an FA cup semi-final at Wembley to the same team they lost to at Wembley previously, and on both occasions they didn’t play particularly well. Imagine that your mum calls you to say ‘never mind, at least you got there again and you will save money by not having to go to the final.’ Can you tell my wife isn’t a football fan?

Where has April gone? This really isn't funny.

I agonised whether to have a flapjack with my coffee. It was 8.6 grams of saturated fat but I had it anyway. I had to have a longer walk that night and a salad for tea.

How cunning are supermarkets putting the clothing right at the door as you walk in?

You must love cooking to make cuscus from scratch. I love couscous but haven't got a clue what's in it.

I would dread to think what I would cook if I was given a load of ingredients on MasterChef, I wouldn’t have a clue.

Anyone started with hay fever yet?

My friend said he paid at the pump the other day and felt like he was driving off without paying because he didn’t go to the kiosk.

I like that word – kiosk. Proper kiosks are those abroad that sell cigarettes, newspapers and bottles of water.

I was wrong - the call centre did pass on the message about my car’s service.

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